The Darkness

You walk down a long, dark corridor. You look around at your, now, unfamiliar surroundings. You ask yourself;
"Why am I here? How did I get here?"
only to be treated by the bitter sting of the cold silence. You try to find your way, only to collide into the walls. You stand there wondering how you will escape this seemingly hopeless world; this...horrible, horrible place with which you find yourself trapped in.

Then....you see a light. A light at the end of the tunnel, if you will. Well, you run towards it, hoping to find some peace and solace. When you being to approach the darkness, the light suddenly turns off; leaving you trapped in this inky blackness yet again. You continue looking around for some faint hope that maybe some more light shall return.

Suddenly, it does. More light. You begin to run. You hear your feet pound the ground as you mercilessly run across it; needing to get to the light this time. You arrive this time without fail. You try to pass through the light, only to be met with an invisible barrier. You cannot pass.

You finally realise...this dark place is your own mind. The barrier...simply Doubt.. You can never achieve a happy life; this..."light" so long as this barrier remains strong. However, as an inquiry as to how to remove the barrier; how to find some key, you ask yourself:
"How do you find something in complete and utter darkness?"

Moving On. (Chapter 4)

!!!READ "MEMORIES" FIRST, THEN CHAPTER 1,2, AND 3 OF THIS STORY BEFORE READING THIS!!!





Hey, dudes. well, it's been a while, but here i am. last time, we saw some..well, pretty angsty stuff go down. lots of drama, confusion, and lots of words. lol. it was my longest chapter to date! well, lets see what happens, now...
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"Chris went to lay in his bed, once again. His wrists bandaged up, he relaxed finally. Chris started to drift off to sleep very slowly. When his eyes finally shut, his last thought was, ironically..."Damien...""



Damien paced back and forth in his house, now. The clock reading half past 12. He started thinking to himself:
"Wow, what an epic day yesterday was, wasn't it?"
Damien was completely unaware of how "epic" that day truly was; especially for the young fox, Chris. Damien was merely stuck on the dream he had after said "epic" day.

It was Damien, standing in a field. It was big, and very very green. There was a single hill, and on top of that hill...sat his mate; Garry. Damien walked up the hill slowly; still in disbelief at the fact that he is seeing his mate again, even if it *is* just a dream.

Damien sat next to Garry and looked at him. Garry was a quite slender wolf; much like Damien himself, only thinner. His fur was the polar opposite of Damien's, ie, all black. not a single bit of colour anywhere on his body. Garry looked over at Damien, and said:
"Damien..my dear sweet Damien...What the hell are you doing?!"

Why, Damien was in pure shock. He had no idea what his mate was doing talking in such a manner.
"God, you're so stupid, sometimes." Garry said, very angrily.

"U-um..W-what are you talking about, H-honey?" Damien asked in a confused manner

"Ya know, I see what has been going on. I know all about that Chris fella." Garry said in a very "matter-of-fact" way.

Damien looked at his mate, and immediately became very timid.

"Oh...him. Listen, I still love you, I don't think anyone could be better than you, dear!"

Garry just slapped Damien upside the back of his head. "God, man. Stop this bollocks, dude. I'm dead, dude. "D-E-D" dead, honey. I'm not coming back."

Damien looked at him, "B-but.."
"NO! No buts!" Garry said. "Listen, dear. I know how much you love me. We were married for god's sake. Here's the thing: I..AM...DEAD!! i mean, what did you think i was gonna do, come back as a zombie and eat your brains?"

Damien merely laughed. He knew Garry would be just like this. He was always so blunt and to the point. He loved him for that reason. Well, that was one of the many reasons, of course.
"I get it, dear. You want me to get over you, right? You want me to...try this Chris guy out? Give him a call?"

"God, yes! Now you get it, geez!" Garry said, very annoyed. "You always took SO long to let something sink into that thick skull of yours."

Damien laughed yet again.
"yeah, I suppose I do, sometimes. Well...thanks for your blessing, baby. I really needed it."

"No problem whatsoever. Now, you go get him. I tell you, if he gets with you...he'll be the luckiest fox in the world." Garry said with a tear streaming down his cheek.

The former couple hugged tightly, and kissed one last time before Damien awoke in shock, leading us to the present situation. Damien finally calmed down and just sat in his chair; still thinking about the dream he has last night. He was also wondering what Chris could possibly be doing...


Chris lay in his, still in a daze. He too had a very strange dream last night. Though, Chris's dream was entirely different from that of Damien's.

Chris was just kind of sitting in his house. Nothing crazy, when all of the sudden..*His* mate came through the door! Oh how happy Chris was to see him! it had been so long, and finally, the reunion of a lifetime was about to occur. Chris ran to Tom, about to embrace him...When Tom just shoved his hand in Chris's face; stopping him in his tracks.

"What *are* you doing?" Tom asked.

"Well, i was going to..you know..hug you. I mean, it's felt like it's been so long. I've..missed you, dear."

"Oh, so now I'm "Dear"? I could have thought I was just an imaginary character with the way you were off gallivanting with that "Damien" guy. He doesn't even look so special. You're so stupid at time. You always were.

"B-but, baby.."
"NO! You don't get to talk. God, did I mean nothing to you? Was I so meaningless that you could just..go off and find someone else?" Tom said; seeming angrier than he ever had been.

"W-w-well...You meant a lot t-to me. You meant the world. I was even gonna ask you to marry me and everything!"

"And why didn't you? I bet you just didn't love me enough. Your feeling were always so..well, wonky." Tom stated.

"N-no! I loved you more than the world! No one could have loved someone more than I loved you! I was just..s-scared." Chris said quite timidly.

"Well, you should have been scared. If i had seen you now..Why, i would have said "no" right away! Besides...As if this Damien would love you. God's sake, you're a cutter! You can't even control your own emotions!"

"N-no..that's n-not true. I don't think Damien is like that. He seems nice..a-and caring, a-a-and.."
"God, shuuut up! You go on..and on..and on! Why would you think someone could love you? You're a broken man, now. What purpose is there for a broken machine, other than to chuck it out to the trash? You *may* have been good once, but that time is long gone. You are just as i said; "Trash.." Tom said. The word echoed until Chris woke up in a panic.

Chris was just in his bed; crying yet again. How could his mate say such a thing, he thought? But...if he did say it..it might just be true. His mate knew him better than anyone!
"Maybe...I really *am* worthless..." Chris thought to himself. Chris just lay in bed, still dazed, having no clue what to say or think. The only thing he could do...Was just rest.


"Awww, man! I gotta call!" Damien said excitedly. This was a new day, and thus, new opportunities arose. Damien had made up his mind. He was gonna call this fox, and see if he could get himself a date! Oh, he was excited at the prospect. Damien finally picked up the phone, and firmly pressed each digit in; making sure they were all the right ones.

The phone rang, and Damien heard a very haggard "h-hello?" on the other end.
"Hi! I'm so glad you were there, This is Damien, and I.." *click*. The phone was suddenly hung up from the other end.
"Huh...I wonder if I sounded too much like a telemarketer or something? Oh, well. I'll try again later. I have to go out, for now." Damien said.


On the other end of town, Chris still laid in his bed; but now he was panting. He just had Damien on the phone, and just hung right up. He just...Wasn't ready. He didn't feel confident in the least.
"I j-just..c-can't. I have to g-go out now, anyway." Chris whispered to himself, before getting himself out of bed. He still had the same clothes on from yesterday, and couldn't be assed changing them. Then, he just walked out of the door, locked it, and started walking...
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Well, dudes..here you go. Hope it's actually..you know..good. lol.

Yearning

Yearning

The word...very interesting, isn't it? Everyone yearns for something. Love, acceptance, Family, etc...Some people seem to have it all, whereas some of us...some of use yearn only for some normalcy in our lives. Let's talk of my examples, shall we?

Some yearn for love.
Yes, many do. People just crave love, don't they? People need someone to call their own, to have someone that they know is thinking of them, when no one else is. Love is quite the wonderful thing..Yet love is a poison. Love slowly tears someone down to try to conform to what their partner likes in a desperate attempt to keep that which they have yearned for for so long. Let me ask you: Is love worth free will?

Some yearn for acceptance.
Oh yes, we all do this. Some people are just readily accepted into social groups, and from that: General society. However...what of the out casts? Those us us who seem as if they don't belong with anyone or near anyone? *We* are seen as the oddballs. We are alone. We do not socialise. Now, does this make us weird, or the onlookers? They are the ones judging. *They* are the ones doing the foreign Thing to us. Yet...Seems even loners yearn to be accepted finally.

Some Yearn for family.
Well, yeah, family could mean anything in this case. This goes along with acceptance, really. However, when i think family, i think of those particularly close to our hearts and minds. Some of us, sadly, are without this thing called "family". We may have relatives, But those are just people who happened to share blood with us. Who says that that makes us closer, or that we are supposed to be closer because of it?? True families are those composed of people who care for you unconditionally. So, as average as it sounds...not many people have what I would call a "Family".


Well, This explains some of the yearnings of the average person. So learn from this: Just because someone seems to have it all..doesn't mean that they themselves do not yearn.

Update

Hey, dudes. fucking hell, haven't wrote in a bit! lol. sorry for that. ironically enough, i have been going through stuff, which *should* provide more material. i can't be assed to write at times, sadly. any fan or my writings; worry not. something should come somewhat soon. i have been tossing around some ideas, one of which is a full fledged story! we'll see how that goes. well, see y'all later, i suppose. ciao.

Mirror

Mirror

What do you see when you look at me?
Do you see someone with unshakable confidence?
Do you see someone with no fears?
Do you see someone Who always seems calm?
Do you see someone who has all the answers?
Do you see someone who seems to always be on top of things, and can always help?
Do you see someone who is beautiful, inside and out?
Do you see someone who loves you?
Do you see someone with great intelligence?
Do you see someone with great emotional potential?
Do you see someone who is always true; to himself and others?

Or do you see what *I* see when I look into this mirror?

I see a lost...and stranded little boy; crying out for help.
I see depression.
I see ugliness.
I see pain.
I see neediness .
I see loneliness.
I see a liar.
I see a cheater.
I see hate.
I see stress.
I see a person causing more pain then they try to fix.

What does any of this really matter? We all see what we want to see anyway...

Life

The man opened his eyes. He saw himself placed in very...unfamiliar surroundings. He was in an open field. He looked down at the ground; feeling it on his feet. It was the greenest grass you could ever have imagined. He looked up at the sky...Was the epitome of beautiful day. There was just a slight breeze; just enough to counter-act the slight warmth cause by the mid-day sun.

The man looked around; to the left, to the right, up, and down. The fields seemed endless. This may not have been a bad thing, as this was just...the most perfect place he had ever seen. "Limitless beauty." He thought to himself; as if such a thing could exist in this world. The man takes a few steps forward, when, in the distance...he sees something; some..ONE.

He slowly approaches the figure; unaware of whom it may be. He was just happy to see someone else in this seemingly endless looking place. The look on his face could only be described as ecstatic shock, to use a pun. The person he saw in front of his eyes...Was his mate!

He couldn't believe what he was seeing! He thought "Oh, i get it...god..it's a dream..." He humored everything, though..and assumed it was real. He quickly ran to his mate; and embraced him. You may only see a true loving embrace once or twice in a lifetime..This was most surely one of those.

The man looked in his mates eyes deeply; staring into the deep pools of the emerald green of one eye, and the sapphire blue of the other. He had always loved his mates eyes. The man smiled brighter than you could imagine; almost illuminating the already bright field. "Why do you look so surprised?" His mate asked him. "I thought you died in that accident!!" He replied. His mate's expression changed to a bit of a worrisome one,as he answered back somberly: "I did."

"How is THIS possible then?!" The man exclaimed. Sure, he assumed it was a dream before, but it seemed so real now..so...possible. His mate merely turned the man around...and he saw it. He was looking down at his own body. The man was very confused by this sight, not understanding how any of this is going on. "Oh come on! I need to wake up NOW!!" The man exclaimed. "This..is no dream." A voice said from behind.

The man turned around again. He saw someone wearing a long, black, hooded cloak. This man was no fool..he knew who this figure was; Death. A typical representation of Death, even. "It's your time." Death said to the man. "No, no no..I had so much to do..So much to see. I can't die now." Death merely looked at him, and said, "I'm Sorry."

The man looked back at his mate..wondering why he wasn't coming with him. Death saw this; knowing the man thought one was for heaven, and the other for hell. "This place we stand now...is merely..the waiting area. Your mate wanted to meet you here. There was no problem with it, so i took him here." Death said. The mate quickly followed suit, walking with Death and the man.

The man stood there; still hoping it was a dream. He saw his smiling mate beside him, but STILL wishing he was still alive. Death, the man, and the mate all walked forward into this blinding light; all three knowing exactly where it lead.


Tom died in the floor of his home via a hart attack. He was a very healthy man..the only thing that could have even affected his heart, was the passing of his mate. John died in a car accident the week before. They had plans together that night; plans never exacted. In the end...Tom was a true love bird. He died not being able to go on without his mate. Little did he know...He would be reunited with him..soon...

Shadows

Shadows...something that is always with you. An invisible friend when everything else has left you. A thing that does not judge you, or think anything of you. A shadow just sticks with you, No matter what. You can go through countless pain in your life. You can go through losses, gains, deaths, new life, love, heartache..but your Shadow will remain.

The one constant in life. No matter what you do...Your Shadow will be there. Your own imaginary friend; always following in your footsteps. When everything in life has forsaken you...look down. See that your one friend-Your once constant-Has not left you; Nor will he ever leave you.

He has grown with you; witnessed more of your life than any parents can, more than any friend could. Your shadow looks at you as impartial as can be, no judgment to be seen there. You can forget everything in your life, one way or another. You can forget friends, loved one, events, etc...But you cannot escape one thing: Your Shadow.

So remember...When you are feeling down, or when you are feeling blue...when you are feeling like no one cares, like no one is there..remember: *I* am your Shadow. I am, and always will be, there for you.

Mistakes

Mistakes...we all make them, do we not? Some of us atone, Some of us don't. The severity of the mistake matters to some...Or perhaps the number of mistakes one has made. We must ask ourselves: "Does it matter how others see us; based on mistakes or not? Does it not matter how we see ourselves??". The cold hard truth is that...You can see yourself in any light you wish to. You can see yourself as on the highest pedestal..Or in he lowest gutter. Your own opinions my be false, even. What of..."others"? What of them? The sad part is...It would appear as if their opinions matter more than your own. People's opinions of you can very much be dependent upon your own inner view..Often times, though..It might not be. What about the heretics who see themselves as riotous? The pious who see themselves as unworthy? Do their opinions not matter because WE see them differently? Of course not...But we'll judge, won't we? When you look at a person..and you ask yourself "should i accept him?" or "Should i accept him NOW?" You may *think* you are looking at them for who they ARE..but you aren't...You are looking at them for who they WERE..their...Mistakes.

Separation

I walk hand in hand with him. Through the greenest of fields and the most desolate plains..I am with him. Always. We've been through the most beautiful times a person can witness...and through some of the worst only the darkest recesses of the mind can imagine. Love has been our sword and shield. We always walk together, him and I. Huh...Starting to think that may have not been the greatest of ideas. I just remembered....Jon's party. Oh, how we laughed, danced, drank..all that. The fun others had.. the emotions running through their minds..paled in comparison to those emanating from my mate and I. It was almost palpable. The smiles on our faces were genuine- a sight not seen much these days- because of each other. The love was so enormous, it felt as if we could burst..from only half of the love we felt! We stood there, staring at each other...oh, sure..and odd sight to some. Did we care? Nope!. All that existed in the world to us..was each other. Jon came to us...He was just...wow, he was out of it *chuckles*. Someone must have spiked the punch...to be funny..huh..a joke, was it? Well, either way, the party was over and my mate and I left; walking, as we would do. We held hands, kissed, hugged..everything...as we walked to our house. We moved in together, you see. After high school my mate and I were still in love..after the full 4 years even! We decided on graduation to live together..little did he know..my plans were bigger than that. Anyway...we were walking...then..it happened. Oh how i wish it hadn't..more than you know. We heard a loud noise..like a fast approaching car. We looked back..and one was speeding towards us. My mate, thinking selflessly as he would often do; pushed me out of the way. I was on the right side of us, you see; closer to the road. I just wish my mate was a little more selfish sometimes... The car swerved..and..hit..my mate. It quickly sped off, of course. I watched the car speed off...It was Jon's car. I quickly ran into the street; tears streaming down my face as i looked at my mate..Even now..beautiful. I did the typical "no, not now! it's too early" thing as he lay dying in my arms. I could just see his light fading..I heard him utter something..i knew what it was right away. I saw how close he was to that eternal rest..I reached into my pocket. I pulled out a simple, silver band...He liked things simple. I slid it onto his finger as i saw his light fully fade away. I cried heavily and asked: "will you marry me?" With his very last breath..he said: "i love you". I stood up..and walked into the darkness....

Death (a ministory)

A man stands at a door. He looks up and down it, the door standing a few stories tall, or at least appearing like it does. The man..middle aged, one would say...seeming as if but a child in front of the massive door in front of him. Standing here, in front of this door, the man thinks to himself: "where am i?". Odd that he is here, yet knows not where he is. Standing here, the man feel something very odd. He feels the urge...to recollect feelings of his life..and so he does so. He thinks as far back as he can manage..he sees...a child; just barely able to walk, it seems. He realises that that boy is him..he remembers that exact moment in time..just barely, though. He thinks farther forward in his life...he sees a teenager. Once again, the man realises that the teenager is him, as a much younger boy. He watches as this teenager goes to school, learns, loves, everything. He sees this person go to weddings, dances...he sees the joy on the person's face..or at least..the perceived joy. Was it all real happiness, a face he put on..or an act he did for himself as to not feel so hopeless? No one will know..not even the man. He watches this person's...his..life go by. He sees how much he has been hurt in life..the pain he has suffered, the loves he has lost...everything. He re-lives it all. He sees the person..him..grow up; becoming an older male. This is where his memory begins to fade..be he knows not why. The man in this vision looks in perfect health, in great shape..he doesn't understand it. The man begins to think that these visions ARE in fact..HIS own memories that HE is recalling at that very moment. This fact further Confuses the man, as he thinks: "if these are MY memories..why does this one seem to make everything fade?". Then, they become bright again..only for a moment. The man sees this vision through..another perspective. He sees himself...grab a gun from a shelf. He stares, dazed and confused at the memory, not knowing what is going on..but getting a slight idea as to what is going to happen next. The man's fears were realised when the one in the memory suddenly fires off a shot into his head; making him fall over; dead. Then, the vision stops, and the man is left staring at the huge door again; now looking smaller, and easier to open. The man finally realises where he is..and why. The person in the vision WAS him...it was HE who grabbed that gun..and ended his own life. The man looks in front of him, seeing that the door is now normal size...it clicks. THIS is the literal manifestation of death's door . The man, seeing this..loses all hope..if he hadn't already..and grasped the knob of the door in his hand. He twists it, and slowly opens it.......